a day...
As Mom says, "it's been a day." Subtly understated. Interpretation: "Today was too much to describe. I'm still processing. Talk to me after my nap."
I led worship this morning at Heritage Community, Carolyn's Dad's church. Then on to an Inner Healing training at 1 for Wesley and then Community Group Leader Training at 5 for Athens Church. Great day, long day...not much of a Sabbath.
Any helpful suggestions for life with two (soon to be three) kids under 4? A.K.A. any suggestions for having a life with young kids, as opposed to just coping? Do you have to cut everything? Just wait it out for 20 years? We've cut out a lot and today was really an anomaly in the schedule (though it made me aware of some bad life patterns). House will be done in January. Fall semester will be done in January! Jena's recovery is progressing well at this point. So, new beginnings are upcoming, but we'd like to start better life habits. Putting it out there to get some wisdom, if you don't mind posting a comment...
3 comments:
when we worked in omaha, the church there had a rule that pastors would spend no more than 3 nights each week doing anything work related. i always thought that drawing a line about how much time away was a good idea, esp. if you seem to be away often.
i also think QUALITY time is important at this stage. in my home they would rather have dad home less frequently but when he's home being focused and intentional about time with them than mom home all day but messing around on the computer the entire time.
so i say decide how many nights you and carolyn can agree for you to be gone, and then make your time home intentionally good.
believe it or not, it gets ALOT easier. even at 5 and a half and almost 7!! you'll once again be able to BREATHE and you dont even have to wait until they are twenty! :)
hang in there :)
p.s. be intentional about date nights too!!!!!
I know you won’t believe this, but my original blog was too long! Imagine that – so you’ll get it in installments . . .
You guys have made such great strides in your life together. And I love how you are both seeking God’s will and trying so hard to be available to Him. It’s emotionally difficult to be in ministry when all around us people are hurting and needs pile up ever higher. Then the difficulty is doubled when you have such a heart for folks to know the Lord, but you know you can only do so much. And when you are capable and could meet many, many needs if that was all you did, the difficulty is tripled because of frustration at not having enough time/energy to do all the things that “need” doing.
I’ve often wondered how you guys/gals at Wesley handle the constancy of college ministry. The same way the rest of us handle it, I guess – sometimes badly, sometimes great. I do have a thought about that. What if the interns as a group decided that you wanted to model healthy living for the students in your realm of influence? What if you decided that one weekend each month would be set aside for self/family time and you encouraged the students to maintain ties with their families, go see their grandmother, rest, re-create, etc.? When you guys lay out the calendar for the year, you could set aside that time and plan nothing official for Wesley during that weekend. It wouldn’t have to be the same weekend every month, just so every month had one “sacred” weekend. I think this might be a very important life skill that you could encourage – not as important in a spiritual sense, but certainly just as important in the healthy lifestyle sense.
More to come . . . oh, joy!
Then, there's the "is this what God wants me to do" question. Sometimes, your dad managed multiple demands of ministry by using the 80% rule for leaders: If God has not specifically told me to do a thing and if someone else can do that thing 80% as well as I can, generally I'll delegate. Also, if I can train someone to do it at the 80% level, let the training begin! Of course, obedience trumps 80% any day of the week! And the 80% rule applies to children and chores too – remember the chore chart? Sometimes 80% isn’t good enough, but most of the time it is. In fact, I’d be willing to accept 50% or less for sweeping the porch! Sometimes something is better than nothing.
One other thought. If you two could plan ahead for some date nights/family weekend activities, then you could honestly say, "We/I have another commitment for that time" when people who don't plan ahead ask you do to something at the last minute. You both make such valuable contributions to whatever you are involved in, it’s no wonder everybody wants your input and participation. The trick is to train other people to remember that if they want David and Carolyn to be a part of something, they'd better ask early. Another trick is not to feel guilty if you don't help someone out at the last minute when you've already planned to go on a picnic, for example - or if you're just physically exhausted and can't do one more thing. If it's worth doing, it's worth planning. Sometimes it’s exciting to do something spontaneously – but I’ve learned that spontaneous is good only in small doses with young children. For me, constant spontaneity quickly became chaos – which was just as bad as planning too many things to do in a certain amount of time or continuing to plan in the same way and expecting different results (I speak from experience here). Remember that you were a husband and wife before you were a father and mother, and you’ll be husband and wife long after your father/mother roles diminish. Cheap dates rule!
David, I remember when your dad was at the church most nights, he would put "Pick up kids from school" on his calendar. That reserved the time and made sure that he saw you during the day (sometimes with ice cream on the way home). When he was at Candler all day, he would call to talk with each of you after school to ask about your day, etc. We found it didn't always have to be a big connection, just a consistent one - especially as husband/wife. It got us through some crazy times.
Life will be much easier when the girls are older. Not to mention all the money you’ll have for dates when you don’t have to buy diapers!?! Face it, toddlers require tremendous amounts of energy just to keep up with them. If we all went to bed at 8:00 like they do, we might handle it better, but what adult wants to do that? Thus, the adage about God giving children to the young.
Well, if you invite your mother to post to your blog, you can be assured you'll get more than you asked for. And I may not be through yet - but for now, that's about it.
Love to all!
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